TheBakersfieldCalifornian.com

I got a call from a friend of mine who's a huge wheel in the entertainment biz. He wanted me, with my vast wealth of musical knowledge, to be a judge in a reality show. And I can't stand reality shows. I've never watched a single episode of "American Idol," and I never will. But, after my friend explained that there was a paycheck involved, I decided to lower my standards. Of course any "standards" I have are only theoretical anyway, and I need some extra cash to finance my next Texas trip, so I signed right up. I figured making fun of some hapless tone-deaf hack for a couple of hours would be a hoot. So, if they wanted a low-rent Simon Cowell, I was their huckleberry.

As it turns out, filming the show was an absolute blast, for reasons not remotely connected to what I thought they would be. The show is called "Living in LaLa Land," and it's the biggest thing on TV. In Israel. Yep, I was to be a judge on a show that would never air in the United States.

So much for my path to superstardom. I guess I can forget about having lunch with Chris Walken for the time being.

The premise of the show is this: They take six established music artists from Israel and fly them out to California, where they'll pretty much have to start from scratch. Nobody knows them here, so they have to get by on sheer talent.

Sort of. This is the music business after all. The contestants have to prove their mettle in various forms of music, from soul to R&B, rock, and country.

So when they needed a place to perform for a country audience, of course Bakersfield was the obvious choice. Even more obvious was the decision to film at Buck Owens' Crystal Palace. Keep in mind that these people have never sung anything close to country before, but they surely had all heard of Buck.

Our day began with paperwork, our first indicator that we were dealing with a big-time production company.

We would have figured that out pretty soon anyway, what with the small army of lighting and sound guys running around. There were the requisite important-looking people feverishly typing stuff into their Macs and Blackberries. And then the most obvious sign that we were in the presence of proper showbiz types: People wearing sunglasses indoors.

It was fantastic.

So we signed our releases and non-disclosure forms, got briefed on our duties for the day, got free coffee and bagels, then we were whisked off to a remote part of the building while the contestants rehearsed.

This is where I discovered a thing called "craft services," which is showbiz code for "free food." No kidding. Somewhere in that paperwork I signed was some legal provision requiring them to let us gorge ourselves. I think they had one guy who does nothing but run back and forth to Starbucks. I don't even like Starbucks, but it was cool to feel like a big shot for a day.

I can't say anything about what happened during the show, but I can say that flying halfway around the world to sing songs you just learned in a language you don't know to a panel of people who are used to hearing it done perfectly must take a monumental amount of courage, and all six of them did a tremendous job, albeit with varying degrees of talent. But that's the idea of the show.

And while it's easy to judge these people from your living room on TV, I learned that it's really hard to it in person. These are actual human beings, not just idiot teenagers queuing up in Burbank for "American Idol" or "X-Factor" or whatever. These people are doing something well outside their personal comfort zones.

And the losers don't just go back to working at Orange Julius at some mall. They have to fly back home to Israel!

I have no idea how big a deal this will be to these folks back home, but my understanding is that this show is gigantic there, so obviously the winner will get an epic career boost, plus a deal with Geffen Records with international support included. And hopefully the others will have enjoyed the process and consider it a great life experience. I know that's how I feel about it.

Plus, I got to hang out with some dear friends for the day, which made the whole thing fun. My pal Monty Byrom was there and "American Idol" alum Amy Adams. Former Smokin' Armadillo and current good egg Josh Graham was on the panel, as was longtime Buckaroo Jim Shaw, who probably knows more about music than anybody I know.

Once the show is finished, I'm pretty sure you can watch bits of it online, or you can go to Israel and watch it on TV. Either way, it was a great time, and I'm happy that I can have "International Television Star" added to my business cards.

And while I still won't ever watch "American Idol" or "The Voice" or "X-Factor" myself, at least I got a glimpse into what that judging gig is really all about. It's tough to have to help decide the course of another person's career, but every time they say "cut," you do get a fresh coffee and a turkey-bacon croissant.

All in all, it's a pretty sweet deal.

Who knows? Maybe the "American Idol" people are watching international television scouting for new judges. I mean Steven Tyler can't live forever (heck, based on the last time I saw him, I'll be surprised if he makes it to Labor Day). And it seems pretty obvious that they'll call me. After all, of the judges at the Palace that day, I was clearly the best.

In fact, that gives me an idea for the next big reality show: "America's Next Reality Show Judge." Get me Simon Cowell on the phone. And my Mac. And craft services.